Wednesday, September 1, 2010

What's happened since? The 30 day sex challenge

This post has taken so long to write because I really wanted to have enough time pass to see any lasting effects after the challenge.  So here it is, the final week and what's happened in the three months since the 30 day challenge finished.  

DAY 23
We dropped the kids to their grandparents so we had the afternoon to ourselves and head out for dinner.  Eat too much but still manage to get together anyway when we get home. 

DAY 24
With the kids away I get a treasured sleep in!!!  Master 2 is a regular 5.30am waker no matter what time he goes to bed so to sleep until 8 is utter bliss.  Mr Belly Beyond said the night before that he was planning on coming home after the gym so I meet him at the front door in little more than my new stilettos.  It has the desired affect and he almost dropped the coffee he was holding in his mad dash to get through the door.  He heads off to work eventually and we both have a spring in our step to start the working week!

DAY 25
Kids are home and work deadline pressure is also back with a vengeance.  Both kids are getting sick (again) and are extremely high maintenance.  I work late after they are finally in bed and creep into bed in the hope Mr Belly Beyond won't wake up (he doesn't) but then I get a bad case of the guilts and tap him on the shoulder.

DAY 26
It was the Heart Stopper Challenge today and Mr Belly Beyond helps out with the kidlets in the afternoon so I can do the icy plunge.  It's a great cause and lots of fun and all the family came along to watch so we head out to the Food Court to celebrate.  I feel totally exhausted by the end of the day though and it's a reward back tickle for me.

DAY 27
X The sex challenge is drawing to a close and today it feels like it's been a very long road.  I'm simply not in the mood.  I'm tried, grumpy and just want to be left alone.  We agree not to do it, just for the sake of it tonight.

DAY 28
Friday night and I agree to have the night off from work.  There's nothing on TV so once the kids are in bed we watch TV On Demand and have a lovely snuggle on the couch.  For something different, I suggest we stay where we are instead of going to bed.

DAY 29
X Uh oh, trouble in sex paradise.  Mr Belly Beyond has made us go over our data allowance and our broadband is at a crawl.  Given that broadband is critical to running the business (and that I'd already warned him that he was over doing it!!), I'm absolutely livid and can't even talk to him let alone have sex with him.  

DAY 30
The final day!   Although we didn't plan it this way, and possibly because of how badly yesterday went, we end up going out with a bang, literally, and do it twice today.  We manage to sneak in a "nooner" and then get together again at bedtime.  I feel like a naughty teenager!  (although I'm still rather pissed about the broadband - Mr BB's idea of redemption was to up our plan, which isn't really the point, but it averted the crisis).  The point of this though is had we not been on the challenge we'd probably not have gotten together due to my unnecessary on-going petulance.

So the final scoreboard says that we finish with a respectable 25/30 - room for improvement but not a score to be embarrassed about!

See the rest of the month here

But did it really change anything?

At the end of the challenge we discussed the benefits:
  • we were a much closer unit and subsequently dealt with everything much better and with a more united front.  Be it the kids, money issues or whatever - we really were back to working as a couple and not having to negotiate around each other.  This was in turn noticed by those around us, including the kids, who took real pleasure in us spending quality time together.
  • Mr Belly Beyond was nice to be around.  He's a simple creature at heart and if he's not getting his end away on a regular basis he can be quite prickly towards me.
  • apparently I wasn't quite as stressed - although they still call me Gimli so I'm not actually putting too much credence on that point (Gimli being the often grumpy red-headed dwarf from Lord of the Rings).  Perhaps it was more because Mr BB now brought home coffee most mornings, made the kids lunches and got them dressed and ready for the day.  They might sound like trifling chores but parents of toddlers and pre-schoolers will know what a big task this can be on any given day (depending entirely of the mood and willingness of your small charges).
So then we looked at what was a realistic level of sex to keep up on an on-going basis.  We settled on every 2nd day or essentially 3 times one week and then 4 times the next and so on.  We did good for a while and I'd love to say that we are still sticking to that  - but I'd be lying.

My never ending work load and ongoing strain of working upwards of 80 hours, while trying to look after two kids, took it's toll on me again.  If I was getting to bed at 1am, which I regularly was, then I really wasn't up for rumpy-pumpy.

The score slipped from 3 times a week down to twice a week pretty quickly and that's where it's stayed.  It's fair to say Mr BB shows some resentment about this - like someone opened the door to a great new life, and then just as quickly slammed it in his face.

From my side, I'm disappointed too, but my disappointment is not so much about the sex drop off per se.   I've noticed that we simply aren't as connected as we were during that period and the time directly after. 

We have learnt to take our opportunities though.  If the kids happen to be busy elsewhere or if we are awake at the same point during the night. 

So will having more sex improve your relationship?  Can it really be that simple?   I think yes.  Sure it's not a magic bullet but if done with the right intentions, and both partners are invested in it, then I think it definitely improved intimacy and that does have positive effects in other areas of your relationship.

So go forth and have more sex!

1 comment:

Sara said...

Wow, tell the man that twice a week is lucky! I'd be happy with that! In my relationship I'm the sex fiend, and I think if it was up to him we'd do it once every 1.5-2 weeks. I'm not exagerating. I also think he would not respond favourably to the idea of a 30 day challenge.

Very much admire your efforts, good work!


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